Monday, September 08, 2003

uh oh....

this is bad...k wait, before I start writing anything or elaborating....firstly, i would like the people who read my blog to not pass any comments on this whatsoever...what i'm about to write is just what i feel...ok?...(if you want to talk to me abt it, do it either over MSN or email me) ...thanx...

i just realised that all this while, my heart is totally confused...who can i trust?...who can i confide in?...who is my heart with?...where does my heart lie?...it can't be that i'm falling for him, rite?...it's ridiculous and absurd...what is wrong with me?...is it when people are nice to me, i start falling for them?...(i'm perfectly straight, k?)...it can't be...i never was like that...but yet, when u came into my life, everything seemed to light up...you heard my complains, my feelings and my thoughts...how is it that i feel that i've grown to like you?...this is impossible...*shakes head*...you shouldn't have been so sweet towards me...then i'd probably wouldn't have felt this way...what do i do now?...it's too late to do anything...i'd probably have to end up hurting myself to sort this out...

Vanessa! wake up man...you can't be doing this to yourself n to others...it's not fair...
But what do i do? I'm confused.
Think carefully about your emotions, perhaps it's not all that complicated.
Ya...sure....right...
ok, that was sarcarstic...but seriously, if you look deep into your heart, you'll see where it truly lies...
How can you be so sure? It seems as if a hurricane just passed by my heart...it's a mess, no one would be able to see where it lies...
That's quite true...but you must resolve everything...or else, it'd be too late for you to make any amends after this...
I know it's not nice to hurt others...that's not my intention...but I can't even explain why I'm feeling like this...can you?
Well, I can't say i can, but here's what I think- your heart was never settled in the first place...and in addition, all the blows you've been dealt this week, only made matters worse...but thing is, when everything around you was in a mess, he was there...that's why you're feeling this way towards him...he listened to u, advised u and consoled u...resulting in you feeling that you can confide in him n trust him...which equated to these feelingsonly your heart know how true this feeling is...
Perhaps...but what if this feeling is true?...what do i do?...my heart n mind are telling me two different things...i'm confused...If only, just only, these feelings could speak...
Yea...but you must be sure that he truly feels for you...does he?
How would I know? You don't expect me to ask him, right?
Well, you could if you wanted to...he's not going to tell you how he feels, right?
I can't...it's too difficult...it's weird if i'd ask..
Well, go ask him...if he does feel for you, things could take a turn, for better or worse, no one knows...at least you'll come to a crossroad...it's better as compared to wandering around...then can you make a decision...
Easier said than done...i mean like, which girl asks a guy whether he feels for her? must be crazy...
Hmm...before I go, just remember that a decision has to be made...no matter what the decision...
I know...I will make one when I'm sure of what both of them feels...the sand has not even settled at the bottom of the sea...so I can't really make a decision...it'd be too hasty...
True...well, take care of yourself,rely on God for strength, ask Him to help you make a right decision...will keep ya in my prayers...
Thanx, I'll remember that...

lost ~no angel~ at 1:11 PM